Foster Parenting: Chapter One
Why Become A Foster Parent?
“You must have the patience of Job”
“There’s
a special place in heaven for you guys”
“Ya’ll’s
crazy!” *most accurate
There could be a
lot of reasons we do this. Sheltering
children, serving humanity, or we just have extra hugs we don’t know what to do
with. The real reason is much simpler.
Money. So much money, it is hard
to find the time to count it all. If you
are looking to quit your regular 40 hour a week job so you can stay at home and
just wait for the checks to roll in, then this is the job for you.
Don’t think of
it as an hourly rate. Since you are basically on call 24 hours a day it is hard
to come up with a figure. The other day I was thinking, “I am going to go count
all my money, as soon as I finish scrubbing this poop off the wall.” But, by the time I finished someone had put
their foot through the ceiling and I had to go buy some drywall. Note: You will
need a lot of drywall in this job.
You do get time to think about all your money. Like the
day we were at Disney World and I had to put one of our kids in a basket hold
so he couldn’t hurt himself or me, I was thinking about the $150.00 ticket I
had spent on him to come in with us. If it wasn’t for Children Services
allowing us to open up our hearts and home for this little guy, I would never
have had the money to bring him.
Another time, I spent
the evening in a padded cell at the local psychiatric hospital waiting for an
evaluation of a 9 year old. He lettered
in many diagnoses, ADD, ADHD, ODD, RAD, and BAD. This room had padded walls, a
bench to sit on, and one door with a tiny window. The only thing on the wall
was a large RED button with a sign that read, “In case of emergency.” For three hours he paced back and forth in
front of the button asking if it was an emergency. I didn’t answer him because
I was thinking about the extra money I had to buy ibuprofen on the way home.
* Note: You will need a regular dose of Ibuprofen in this job.
You will have so much money;
you will find yourself daydreaming of things to spend it on.
Such as:
Trading in your sports car in for a 15 passenger van.
➤
A camper
(because your “special” kids can get you kicked out of hotels).
A swimming pool
(because your kids are no longer allowed at the public pools).
New/used
furniture.
Fire Alarms,
Door Alarms, Lock boxes (for knives and medicine).
Clothes (because
they usually come empty handed).
Private schools.
Vacations (You can be stuck in the house with the kids or
you can be stuck in the house on a beach with the kids).
Sorry. I guess I
can get a little carried away. The media tends to make the money or to put it
correctly, the per diem, the central reason we choose to be foster parents. Anyone
who has done this for a while will assure you, nobody is getting rich being a
foster parent. So, if it isn't for money why do it?
Our beginning…
Before we were
married, we shared a common belief in the sanctity of human life. We
believed that children were a gift of God, and that compelled us to
action. It was my darling wife's heart that led us
to consider foster care. We attended weeks of classes, completed a background
check, and had our house inspected.
Within six
months of our marriage we were licensed with Lutheran Social Services as foster
parents. They sponsored young mothers who had made the decision to carry their
baby to term, but knew it was best for that baby to be placed in an adoptive
home. Newborn infants were placed in our care until the courts granted custody
to the newly adoptive parents. The Money? Let’s just say the cost of diapers, baby
clothes, and baby furniture outweighed the reimbursement. Why do it? If you
could just imagine for a moment how my wife felt the first time she took the baby
boy that lived with us for his first two months and passed him into the arms of
his new forever family, you’d know why. She was sad and happy that day. She was sad for
the loss of the baby and happy for where he was going. But alas, a license
foster home is a vacuum and an empty bed doesn’t stay empty for long.
I think the phone rang about three minutes later with another placement.
I think the phone rang about three minutes later with another placement.
A Mother’s Heart
The idea of
fostering usually comes from the nurturing one in the family. In our home that
would be my wife, Kari. We shared the same world
view of children, but, I didn’t think that meant turning a three bedroom home
into six bedroom institution. The band U2 has a song called, “Tryin’ To Throw
Your Arms Around the World.” It reminds me of Kari. Babies from Russia, China, Mexico, and Ohio
need homes. But, we can’t take them all!
Someone in the relationship has to say, “Hey, wait a minute. Let’s think
about this.” I feel like I am a soundboard for these impulses. I like to call myself,
“A voice of reason”. Kari likes to refer to me as, “A heartless S.O.B.”
The truth is, in
our years of marriage I have learned that if Kari thinks something is right for
our family, it probably is. I spent over 30 years on Active Duty with the Air
Force and Air National Guard so I got to go to work during the day. If she
thought she could handle the kids then bring’em on. I’d help with cooking,
driving, and fixing the stuff that the kids broke. If there was an emergency, I
wasn’t far from home. And, after 35 years of fostering I am well rounded in children’s entertainment. From
Mario Brothers, Care Bears, and Raffi; to Spongebob, Shrek, and the Veggie
Tales.
The Bottom Line
If you believe there are children in need you are free to make a choice. You can:
1. Do nothing.
2. Become a professional at telling parents what they are doing wrong.
3. Or, buckle up, put your hands in the air, and get ready for the ride of your life.
_Doug Lambert
has been a Foster/Adoptive parent since 1980. He is not a Licensed Social
Worker, a Psychologist, Psychiatrist, or any other kind of doctor. He lives
with his wife Kari who is the driving force behind making a difference in
children’s lives. Observations made in
this blog are based on experiences. Names and pictures do not represent foster
children past or present.
This is wonderful. I can't wait to read more!
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