Foster Parenting: Chapter 4. The Shark Is Real

The Shark Is Real

Chapter 4

We learned a lot during the first few years. You get pretty good with diagnosis acronyms that speak volumes about the child just by their names. Here are a few we learned over time with our little ones:

ADD/ADHD:  Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

RAD: Reactive Attachment Disorder

PTSD: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

ODD: Oppositional Defiance Disorder

            We picked up on the acronyms and began to use them in our own vocabulary. We are still learning how to administer treatment for kids with these conditions. Getting together with other foster families and sharing stories help immensely.

PTSD and Amusement Parks

         

   We got a couple of country boys just before we packed up our 15 passenger van and headed to Orlando for a fun filled week of parks and attractions.  We went with a foster family who also had their 15 passenger van loaded with kids.   

            By the time we got to Florida we noticed the boys scratching their arms. Kari concluded it was scabies. Tiny little mites under the skin.  By this time in our fostering experience we had a very good relationship with our family doctor and pharmacist. A few phone calls later and we had enough scabicide to treat the whole family. Because you know, an ounce of prevention…

Taking new kids on a road trip is always exciting.  You get to relive those firsts.  First time to see the ocean, first time to an amusement park, and first time screaming in terror on realistic attractions.

We should have gotten a clue earlier that week at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. The Indiana Jones Adventure is a live show where they re-enact Raiders of the Lost Ark on stage.  It has stunts, drama, and of course fire.  I noticed while bullets were ricocheting all around us that one of the brothers was flat on the ground with his hands over his head.  I tried to explain that the bullets were just sound effects. He thought somebody was really shooting at us.

            Foster children are supposed to arrive in the home with documented history. That way you don’t find things out the hard way.  These brothers 11 and 12 arrived with one change of clothes and no history.  We got a call from the case worker later, “By the way, don’t let him around matches. They have a history of starting fires and almost burned a forest down.  Could have used that tidbit a week earlier.

            So, the next day we there we were at Universal Studios waiting in line to ride Jaws!  Out in front they have a large great white shark hanging by its tail. While waiting in line a video screen is talking about recent sightings of a shark.  I am a kidder.  You know, I kid around.  The twelve year old kept asking me, “Is it a real shark?” At first I said, no.  But every few minutes he would ask me again. So, I said, “Yes, it is a real shark. But, the guy on the boat has a gun and will shoot it if it attacks the boat.”  He slipped to the back of our group, and waited with Kari.  

When our large party boarded the boat, I was in the front and Kari was in the back with Mr. Nervous. All was fine up to the part of the Jaws ride where the shark starts attacking the boat. The boat captain shoots his gun in a panic and a fuel tank explodes. You can feel the heat from the flames so hot I thought the hair on my arms was going to fall off (again). Our little Post Traumatic Stress Disorder 11 year old started screaming for everybody to get off the boat. Kari had to sit on him to keep him from going overboard. We made it back to the dock and he went into a trance for about an hour. I must say that ride left a lasting impression on everybody on that boat. 

            He didn’t ride anymore rides that featured fire that day. We would do a fire check before each attraction. Have you been to Universal Studios?  Many of the rides have fire and explosions!  I think he rode the E.T. ride 5 times.

            Because he required constant supervision he would be with me (my shadow) all day. He was an adolescent but his mental capacity was much younger.  He was a great helper. When I was building something and needed a tool or screw, he was right there handing it to me.  One day we were driving to the store and he said, “Do you think you guys will adopt us?” I thought about my answer and said, “You know how you like to help me fix stuff that is broken?” 

He nodded and I said, “Well, Kari and I fix kids that need repairs.  We have work to do and you have work to do.  Pretty soon, you boys will be all fixed up and ready to go to your new home.  Then we will start working on another kid.”  He understood that. 

            We didn’t know the extent of the abuse these boys had suffered until one day Kari gave them a haircut.  They wanted a buzz cut, which was great because that is her go to style with the clippers.  As she shaved the older boys head she was shocked to see so many scars on his scalp. Kari said it was like all of his secrets were revealed at one time.

            His brother didn’t have PTSD. Then again his head wasn’t as traumatized as his older brother.  But he did have some anger issues. His therapy allowed him to take something outside and bust it into a million pieces until he calmed down.  Basketball, wrestling, football were all outlets for his energy. Finding the right balance of medicine was crucial.  That, and keeping him away from small animals.

* No kittens were harmed during their stay.

            We had a fantastic therapist, who wasn’t afraid to get down on the floor with these boys and get to the root of the problem. Sometimes he would literally have to pull them out from under their beds to talk to them. He wrestle with them to exhaustion and then they could talk about their past. As these two tough boys broke through the anger and hurt, Kari was there to pull them to her shoulders and let them sob like toddlers. 

            Later they were adopted by a strong family with years of fostering experience. I am not saying everything was rosy between them. They carried their issues into adult hood and require health services to this day.  We know this because even after 20 years we still hear from them from time to time.

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_Doug Lambert has been a Foster/Adoptive parent since 1980. He is not a Licensed Social Worker, a Psychologist, Psychiatrist, or any other kind of doctor. He lives with his wife Kari who is the driving force behind making a difference in children’s lives.  Observations made in this blog are based on experiences. Names and pictures do not represent foster children past or present.